Bad Cable Manners
by Agent of LIGHT
Summary: Mr. Loud just can't seem to fix his TV signal, and is ready to give up. The kids are willing to help their father, but how long will it be before trouble comes knocking their door? A parody of the Dexter's Laboratory episode of the same name.


**Hello again folks, here's my next fanfic, and the first one of September.**

**It's another Loud House story based on other cartoons. In this case, it's based on a Dexter's Laboratory episode called "Bad Cable Manners". Rather fitting, given that Chris Savino worked on both shows.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Loud House or Dexter's Laboratory. The former belongs to Nickelodeon and Capcom, and the latter to Cartoon Network.**

* * *

Static.

That is pretty much the only thing appearing on the TV screen right now.

The Loud Family has been trying to fix this problem for the past few hours, but they haven't been successful so far. It doesn't help that their father had insisted on fixing the issue himself, instead of doing the more sensible thing of buying a new satellite dish or, you know, letting someone more capable do it. Since their mother and Lily went to spend the weekend with Pop-Pop, the kids had to deal with this problem on their own.

Lincoln looks at the audience "I suppose you all know this by now: we have a rather crummy TV signal at times. We've tried to convince Dad to buy a new satellite dish, or at least hire an expert, but he's stubborn. He means well, but his track record is rather… deplorable."

_Flashback_

_Inside the house, the kids were complaining that the TV is fuzzy again. Rita was outside putting pillows on a trampoline just in case Lynn Sr. fell off. As Lynn Sr. was trying to fix the antenna, a sheet of foil landed on his face, blinding him. His vest got caught on the TV antenna, causing him to get tangled in it._

_"Something's got me!" he screamed in a panic._

_Inside the house, the TV signal was back, as a "Peanuts"-esque show appeared on the screen._

_"Wait! Wait! That's perfect!" Luan exclaimed in excitement._

_As the Loud kids cheered at the signal being back, Lynn Sr. fell off the roof, along with the TV antenna, causing the signal to be lost again. T__he kids groaned in disappointment._

_End of Flashback_

Back to the kids.

"Okay, Dad!" Luna exclaims.

Outside, Lynn Sr. is standing on his roof, placing his hand on his old TV antenna. He is looking at the rest of the neighborhood, every house possessing fancy satellite dishes. He sneers at the sight of it.

"Just look at them, a sea of satellite dishes. Fools all! Suckered into paying for something you can do yourself." He chuckles "Unaware that it's not the equipment, but who's equipping it. Let's see now." He moves the antenna a bit "Okay kids, how about now?"

The screen is still static.

"It's not good!" Luan responds.

Lynn Sr. begins to think, then he pulls a roll of-

"Tin foil!" he begins wrapping the antenna with it, smirking with pride "How's that?"

"No" Lincoln replies.

The patriarch moves the antenna again "Now?"

"No!" Lola exclaims.

Outside, Lynn Sr. pulls out a rake and, after doing a bizarre tribe-like dance, starts hitting the antenna with it.

"No." All the kids respond in a deadpan tone. They flinch when they hear their father stumbling. We see him hanging from the rake that got tangled with the antenna.

"Oh yeah!"

"There!"

"That's perfect!"

As the Loud kids cheer at the signal being back, Lynn Sr. falls off the roof, along with the rake, causing the signal to be lost again.

"Dang it!" all the kids groan.

* * *

One visit to the hospital later…

The Loud Family is in the living room. Lynn Sr., who is now wearing a leg cast, is sitting on the couch, watching the TV being all static.

"Hey, I think it's clearing up." Lynn Sr. proclaims, even though it was clear that there was only static "Who am I kidding? I failed." He laments, sulking.

"Relax, Dad. It's just TV." Lincoln tells him in a reassuring tone.

Suffice to say, this doesn't lift his father's broken spirit.

"I just don't know how much longer I..." Lynn Sr. says before he starts crying. The kids decide to go upstairs and leave their father wallow in his own pity.

* * *

At Lori and Leni's room…

All the siblings are reunited at the older sisters' room, and Lori bangs her shoe on the podium. "I call this siblings meeting in session. Today's subject is, as we all know: our TV signal. Any ideas on how to solve it?"

Luna shrugs "Sorry sis, I got nothing."

"Me neither." Lynn adds.

"Sorry Lori, I just don't have the _cable-bility_ to solve this problem." Luan jokes, then laughs "Get it?"

Her siblings just groan at the pun.

"But you work with cameras. You must know how to fix a TV." Lori presses on.

Luan waves her hands defensively "Hey, hey, installing a camera is not the same as fixing a TV, and besides I use a computer to upload my videos. I'm an artist, not a repairwoman."

Lori groans annoyed, then turns to the twins, more specifically, Lana "Lana, you're the expert at fixing things. You think you can fix the TV?"

The dirty twin ponders "I could repair it, but I'm not sure if I could do it well. Fixing a TV is waaay different than assembling a car. I once asked Dad if he could teach me how to fix the TV, but after seeing how he fails at it, I prefer to learn it from a real professional. 'Sides, the problem seems to be with the antenna, not the TV screen."

"Why not just ask Dad to pay for a new TV frequency?" Lincoln suggests "Or hire someone else to fix the TV?"

"You know Dad's stubborn. He won't let someone else do it." Lucy replies.

"Yeah, he's too cheap to hire a repairman!" Lola exclaims.

While the siblings continue to discuss, Lisa is pondering on how to solve their current conundrum. After a few minutes of speaking, she reaches a conclusion.

"Sibling units, I believe I have the solution to the problem. If you would please follow me..." Lisa says as she begins leaving the bedroom. The rest of her siblings follow her to her room, as she begins rummaging through her belongings. "Aha, here it is!" she proclaims as she pulls out a briefcase.

"What do you have in that briefcase, Lis?" Lynn asks.

"The solution to our satellite frequency issue. Once I install it on the roof, we will no longer have to deal with satellite interference. Now, we need to make sure that our paternal unit does not suspect anything."

* * *

While Mr. Loud has fallen asleep on the couch, the kids take this as their cue. Being careful not to make any noise (which is difficult given how old the wood is), they all get out of the house.

Lori and Leni are carrying the stairs, and set them up on the side of the house. Given how far they are from the roof, however, Luna, Luan and Lynn climb up and form a human ladder. Lincoln and Lisa climb up on their older sisters' shoulders and get to the roof. Lola and Lana look around, making sure that no one is looking, and when they gives the ok signal, Lisa opens the briefcase she brought along. Inside of it is an advanced-looking device with a large red button. She and Lincoln pull it out and set it up next to the antenna.

She then pulls out a remote controller and pulls a lever. This makes the device rise up and it takes the appearance of a fancier, more advanced TV antenna. Once it is set, she presses a button.

In space, a satellite mobilizes and sets in position with the antenna. The device's button that was previously red now turns green, indicating that it is functional.

"Success!" Lisa declares.

"We did it!" the kids cheer.

"Louds, keep that racket down!" Mr. Grouse's voice can be heard.

* * *

The next morning, Lynn Sr. is still sleeping on the couch, the TV still static. Then, suddenly, other sounds are heard on the TV, which wakes him up.

"Huh?" he sees that the TV is working again "It works! I did it!" he exclaims before grabbing the control remote "Okay, let's see what we've got! 13!" he watches a channel about a diamond ring being displayed.

"_This here's a genuine cubic zirconium princess ring!" _

"14!"

"…_real diamonds that can only cut glass!"_

"15"

"… _shines like the dickens!"_

"16,"

"…_to your friends, or your boss, or your friend's boss!_

"17,"

"…_now wears it by hand!"_

By now, it is clear that the channels are all about the same thing, but Lynn Sr. doesn't seem to mind at all; he's just too happy with his "success" to care.

"_¿…quién es más macho?"_ the commercial is now in Spanish.

"Hey…" he mutters, before changing to the same channel with its normal language "Ah, that's better. I am the Channel Master!" he proclaims in excitement. His children are watching from upstairs, smiling that they succeeded.

"Well, our job here is literally done." Lori says. She and her siblings soon depart to do their own things.

"So much to choose from!" Lynn Sr. exclaims, but his excitement gets cut short when he hears a car outside "Huh?" he looks in confusion as a letter is sent his way from the door and lands on his lap "More junk mail." He mutters before opening it. He starts reading it "Important. Dear Mr. Loud, we are well aware of your current situation. Piracy-Piracy?! How can they accuse me of something like that? In violation of bla bla bla…" he mutters while reading, before crumpling the paper "Sorry guys, no sale. I've already got it." He then throws the paper away, but just as soon as he does that, the TV screen becomes static, to his shock. "That's odd. I guess I'll have to take a looksie."

* * *

Outside, Lynn Sr. sets up the ladder and tries to go up, but is struggling due to his injury. While he is doing that, Lincoln, who is reading a comic book, passes by.

"Hey Dad." He says nonchalantly, before his eyes widen in shock "Dad?!"

Next thing he knew, he and his sisters were outside the house.

"What are you doing up there?!" Lynn Jr. exclaims.

Lynn Sr. hadn't even gone far, only having reached the first few steps.

"Slight mechanical difficulties, but don't worry. I am the Channel M-"

He is interrupted when he ends up falling and lands on the ground. He groans in pain.

"You're literally going to end up in a body cast." Lori says in concern for her father "Why don't you let us help you?"

"Awesome!"

The kids are up in the roof again, with Lisa checking out her equipment.

"Anything wrong with it, Lisa?" Lincoln asks.

"Everything looks normal. Perhaps I should upgrade to larger receptors." The prodigy replies.

Down below, their father is lying next to the ladder "I'll just run you through the important stuff." He says, trying to instruct his children.

He doesn't see the confident smirks they are giving to each other. Since it's pretty much clear that Lisa will solve the problem for them, the least they can do is humor their father a bit by playing along.

"Yes Daddy, we're listening." Lola replies. She and her other siblings disappear for a moment, but then return pushing a very large satellite dish.

"You gotta use the rake to gain its trust, and then surprise the booger by going nuts!" Lynn Sr. explains. He doesn't get a response "Um, kids?" He then smiles when he sees the rake waving.

"Yeah, yeah, going nuts!" Lynn Jr. shouts as she is waving the object.

"Like Luna would say,_ rake n' roll_! Hahahaha! Get it?" Luan jokes.

"Luan!" her siblings groan.

"I never say that, dude! It's rock n' roll!"

"It won't be long now." Lynn Sr. mutters.

"Okay Dad, I think that did it!" Lana yells.

"No, no! No, this is the important one! With your eyes closed, run full speed into the antenna, and when you fall, I'll catch you!" he instructs, and the kids look in shock "Don't let me down now. We're too close! Do it for your dad!"

"Okay, here goes nothing." Lincoln mutters before sliding down the roof "HERE I COME!" he shouts.

"Geronimo!" Lynn Jr. exclaims following suit. The twins are next, followed by Lucy and Lisa.

Lynn Sr. is extending his arms wide open to catch his kids, but gets distracted when he hears the sound of the TV.

"Huh?" he turns, completely missing his son, who ends up falling to the ground, and his sisters land over him. Lynn Sr. is too distracted to care; he just starts limping back into the house in excitement "I am back!"

While his kids are lying on the ground in pain, the Loud patriarch begins channel-surfing to his heart's content, but then he hears the beeping sound on his telephone.

"_Mr. Loud, we are well aware of your current situation. Piratation of our satellite broadcast is a felony. This is your last warning. Legal action will be taken."_ A male voice is heard on the receiver.

"Working the phones too, eh?" Lynn Sr. says smugly "No, no, forget it. I'm not buying any." Just as he said that, the TV screen became static again, to his confusion "Huh? KIDS!" he calls out as Lincoln and his sisters enter the house "Kids, we have problems. Look!" their father exclaims pointing to the TV.

"How can this happen?!" Lisa proclaims in shock "I just- I mean, we all fixed it." She says sheepishly while her father cries, before turning angry "This has gone on long enough. I will fix this thing once and for all!" she departs, her siblings following her.

Lynn Sr. stops crying for a moment to give his kids the same advice "Don't forget the rake, kids."

* * *

Once again, the kids are standing on the roof, only this time they have set up an entire satellite system with Lisa's help.

"That should do it." Lisa says, satisfied with her work.

"Don't you think this is overkill, Lisa?" Lincoln asks in concern.

"Your concerns are unwarranted, elder brother. This guarantees that our television will have free access to all forms of media, and our paternal unit will cease his moments of emotional woe."

"If that means that this will keep Dad happy, then I'm all for it." Lori comments.

Down below, that seems to be the case.

"YES!" Lynn Sr. exclaims as he channel-surfs every single channel, expressing different emotions from excited, to sad, to scared, to angry, and finally satisfied. He lies back, chuckling "Just me and my 400 favorite channels."

Unbeknownst to Mr. Loud, outside his house a host of blue vans appear. They have "Satellite S.W.A.T." written on the sides.

"Uh, Lisa?" Lincoln says pointing to the menacing-looking vehicles.

"Oh no, it's the fuzz!" Luna yells in shock "Run for your lives!"

"Actually, judging by those letters, they are not the local police forces. They are the S.W.A.T. squad."

"Swat? You mean there are flies to swat?" Leni asks dumbly.

"No Leni, it's an acronym for Special Weapons and Tactics; they're an elite unit in charge of various forms of national or international security. They deal with top-priority emergencies including hostage situations, terrorism, espionage or heavily-armed delinquents." Lisa explained, apparently calm despite the situation.

"But what the heck are these guys doing at our house?!" Lola hollers, fearful.

Lincoln ponders until he looks at Lisa's satellite frequency system "I think it has something to do with Lisa's satellite pirating device."

Lisa ponders, then facepalms "Of course! How did I not foresee this before?"

"Lisa, what's the matter?" Lori asks. Lisa pulls out a big book that says "_Royal Woods Laws_".

"According to the book of laws, unsanctioned satellite interference, street name: piracy, is considered a felony in many states of America, and-"

"Say it in English, Lisa!" Lori interrupts her impatiently.

"And what do pirates have to do with cable?!" Leni asks.

"What we were doing is illegal, and I'm afraid our paternal unit is going to be blamed for it." Lisa clarifies.

"You mean Dad's going to jail because of us?!" Lynn exclaims.

"Quick dudes, we have to stop this before Dad ends up in the stony lonesome!" Luna declares.

"Might be too late, because they have already entered our premises" Lisa points out. The Loud kids observe how the vans open up and a bunch of muscular men in uniform get out.

Inside the house, those same men appear from all parts of the living room, including through the window, the grandfather clock, a plant vase and the rug. One of them slides down the staircase, another assaults the lamp, and another one kicks the family portrait. Another one breaks through the TV and then jumps through the window.

"You know? We might want to wait until they're done. We don't want to get beaten up, right?" Lincoln says, scared at the thought of those thugs pummeling him and his sisters. The girls seem to share the same thought; even Lynn Jr., usually the toughest Loud sister, knows that she doesn't stand a chance against well-trained, experienced soldiers.

"Let's just hope our paternal unit defuses this situation diplomatically." Lisa utters.

More and more of these law enforcers appear and continue doing amazing, if unnecessary, acrobatic movements, while Lynn Sr. only stares in confusion. That is, until a mysterious man appears in front of them and snaps his fingers, which makes the men stop. They all get behind the man.

We get a better look of the individual, who appears to be the chief of S.W.A.T. He is a well-dressed, lean man with short, coifed hair. He has a stern, serious look.

"Mr. Loud, we are well aware of your current situation." He states to the patriarch. Judging by his voice, he was apparently the one who send the message to Mr. Loud via telephone.

Outside, the kids watch from one of the broken windows, getting more and more fearful for their father's safety.

"Bla bla bla, bla bla bla." The patriarch says dismissively "You guys again. Can't you take a hint? I don't need your stupid satellite. I have my own ways." He boasts pointing to his forehead.

The S.W.A.T. chief blinks at that statement in disbelief "Yes. This seems to be the problem." He says snarkily.

Still, Lynn Sr. doesn't seem deterred "Oh, I see how it works. Either I play ball your way, or I don't play ball… at all!" he says sarcastically "Well, I won't be bullied, so you'll just have to take me the hard way!" he declares boldly. Using his lower body strength, he begins spinning the couch around, knocking out some of the S.W.A.T. soldiers. He then pulls down the level to be propelled in the air. He laughs maniacally as he aims to body slam the chief…

…only to land face-first on the floor. He groans in pain as everyone stares at him in conclusion.

"OK boys, move him out." The chief orders his men, having had enough of this nonsense.

At that, the Loud kids enter the house. "Wait!" they all yell.

"Don't take our dad! He's literally innocent!" Lori exclaims.

"It's true, dudes! Don't take him to the big house!" Luna adds.

Then Lisa steps forward.

"It was me! It was I, Lisa Loud, girl genius. Using my superior intellect, I was able to take control of your satellites, unknowingly committing an international felony." She explains, then lowers her head in shame "My father is an idiot, I mean, innocent. I'm the one who should be punished."

"You're not the only one. We all played a role in this." Lincoln adds, feeling guilty as well. The rest of the girls also look down in shame for having put their father through this mess.

"Psst, play dead." Lynn Sr. whispers as he is taken away by the burly men.

The chief scoffs "Nice try, kids. I'm a girl genius." he says dismissively, not buying their tale one bit. He and his men begin departing.

The kids look on in despair as their father is being taken away. Lynn Sr. briefly awakes to send them a wink.

* * *

Three weeks later…

Three weeks had passed since Lynn Sr. was arrested for Lisa's illegal satellite interference. When Rita and Lily returned from their weekend with Pop-Pop, she found out about her husband's arrest and the circumstances as to how it happened. To say she was beyond furious was an understatement, as she pretty much grounded all of her kids (sans Lily) until they went to college, but decided that they needed to work together in order to bail Lynn Sr. out.

During those weeks, the family had been doing all kinds of jobs to earn money for the bail, such as Luna playing songs at the local café, Luan continuing her Funny Business, Leni working overtime at the mall, Lynn Jr. mowing everyone's lawns, Lori babysitting, the twins selling lemonade and cookies during their Blue Bells shifts, Lucy making funerals for little kids' dead pets, Lisa and Lily performing rap at the mall, Lincoln delivering newspapers, and their mother working double shifts at the dentist's office.

After those tedious weeks of work, they finally reunited all the money necessary to bail their father out of jail.

The Loud Family is currently at the police station, holding a jar with all the money they've earned. They look anxiously as the police clerk is checking his computer.

"Ok, let's see. Mr. Lynn Loud Sr.? Ah yes, he's been declared free to go for _weeks_." The clerk says, much to the family's confusion.

"Excuse me, but did you say my husband is free to go?" Rita asks.

"Yes ma'am, they've dropped the charges in the first few days of his imprisonment."

"Then why isn't he out yet?" Lori asks.

The clerk looks unsure "Well…"

* * *

It turns out that Lynn Sr., despite having been declared free to go, refused to leave his cell for one simple reason.

They have free cable in jail.

Lynn Sr. is currently in a jail cell watching TV, sitting next to two burly prisoners. As he continues channel-surfing, he stops at one channel that happens to show sexy ladies in bikinis. A whistle can be heard.

"Look at that sunset." He says in amusement "If only I had known, I would've gotten myself arrested years ago!"

* * *

**And that's it for today, folks.**

**Now, before any of you says "But it's OOC for Mr. Loud to steal cable, he's not a criminal". "Cough" NSL "cough". Besides, how he acted here is no different than in the show (as in having a "do it yourself" mentality because he can't afford to pay a professional to fix the TV, or the house for that matter), as well as the fact that his family has been in all kinds of illegal stuff before (I'd list the examples, but we'd be here all day), and even his wife has been in jail at least once.**

**Until next time. The Noble Avenger out.**


End file.
